For the love of Lelo

I'd lusted after a Lelo Ina for ever so long. Since I saw its smooth flowing design and watched a couple video reviews, I was left feeling avaricious and yearning, a Cinderella figure unable to afford the attentions of Prince Charming.

I've had a couple vibrators, though not a rabbit style one, and I have to confess, the vibrating aspect has never really done that much for my clit. My g-spot's more appreciative of a bit of vigorous vibrating attention, but my clit's always been a bit meh about it. Still, though, I felt like the Ina might be the missionary to change its, er, mind.

I visited a friend recently, and when I spoke of my wishes, fairygodmother-like, she pulled one out of her box of toys. She said it never did it for her, despite Lelo's assertion that it fits the 'curves and contours of all women', the ear bit, or 'external pleasure point' was too stiff, and just hurt her vulva, pressing in too sharply against it and her clit. Me being the unsqueamish girl that I am, was all alacrity to accept the offer of a hand-me-down.

But, when I used it, I was disappointed to find the same thing. The smooth silicon surface is so tempting, the vibrations so powerful and convincing, but when I fully inserted the body (shaft?) of the toy, the clit attachment just hurts. Not in a fun way. The gap between shaft and rabbit ears is too small (you can see in the pic that it'll bend outwards, but it doesn't really do that comfortably when you've got it inside you, it presses back in very firmly) and the pain and  vibration together felt a bit alarming, and I was left saddened. All my years of longing come to nought? The magic slipper fails to fit...

Today, though, I took it out to play with it again.  There has to be a way! I thought. And I found it. So simple - just a slide and a dip of the shaft of the toy over and into my vagina and held at an angle lets the external part push up and down against my clit without the pressure that hurts down the shaft of it when the toy's inserted all the way. And the vibrations carry just fine where they need to go. As someone who's used to needing to work up to things quite a bit, and can find orgasm elusive, I was taken aback by how fast the on, around and up and down clit stimulation zapped a fast and fairly furious orgasm through me, leaving my clitoris literally vibrating with buzzy aftershock and me laughing out loud in disbelief at the shattering of my naivety. My vibrator virginity is dispatched.

I know this doesn't seem like a big deal to you vibe veterans out there but - if I may overshare a second - one, while I can make myself come ok, I tend not to be able to relax enough to let anyone else make it happen. So the feeling of something taking over my clit and popping an orgasm out of it so quickly and easily was quite revelatory. And also two, I've been on a low dose of an SSRI for some time now and while it stops me crying all the time, it also dismisses my libido summarily and makes it really hard to come sometimes. I'm taking a little break from it, thinking maybe I can welcome the tears for an interval and maybe enjoy the release they might bring - and also welcome the feeling of my body working like it's meant to and, god knows enjoying the release of some convincing orgasms at the same time - so I think that helped.**

Many thanks to Lelo, and many thanks to my kind benefactor, to whom I somewhat inappropriately dedicate this morning's orgasm.

**Not only is this not medical advice, or advice at all, I've no aspersions as to the fact that if it were, it would be extremely bad advice. Talk to your doctor before changing your dose or coming off meds, etc. Obviously.

Addicted by Charlotte Stein

Ahhh, everyone is in for a treat.

I don't read as much erotica as I'd like to because I am Poor, and I don't have a luxury budget for it. So I cheaply mostly leach books off nice writers when they're looking for reviews. but this is neither here nor there. I would gladly pay the price of Addicted.

Ah, where to start? Charlotte's writing is funny, searing, endearing, emotional. This book is a delightful rollercoaster, a bundle of humanity and joy and angst and best of all, wish fulfillment.

Now, Charlotte wrote a Get a Grip blog about why it's ok to enjoy Twilight, as it's entertaining wish fulfillment fiction for women. Hot young blonde hotties for paunchy old men has long been standard fantasy fair, so fuck you, I get my vampire boyfriend, no harm no foul, if I may paraphrase. I heart her for this simple point.

So too do I ♥ Addicted for the same reason. Charlotte's heroine is something of a whirlwind of neurotic worry and low self esteem - but not in the way Bridget Jones is. With Bridget (and yes, also Bella Swan) you finally start believing in their endless self criticism and wondering why handsome men ARE interested in them at all if they're so crappy. Stein's heroine Kit is full of worry but it's incredibly human and sympathetic. Also the book starts with her dynamic attempt to find what she's been lacking and she embarks on what might be termed a 'voyage of sexual discovery' if that didn't sound so cheesy. What she does is fearfully fling herself into a panicked and enthusiastic push-pull clinch with Dillon Holt, who may or may not be a sex addict.

This is where the wish fulfillment comes in - not everyone may completely identify with Kit (I do!) who has had an unsatisfying sexual experience up til now but Dillon must complete everyone's wish to get done just right by a really skillful muscly man who knows exactly what they need, somewhat telepathically. I fucking love it. Their sex is touching, spontaneous, arousing, full of pathos. Kit is a bit clumsy, a bit self-conscious, you may not be like that (I am!!), and while she may not be the typical perfect heroine, her enthusiasm and warmth and bravery are charming and inspiring. This book is so human. It's so good for imperfect people, it's like a little bible of encouragement. Dillon is a little too good to be true, but that's who we want to read about. He's the good guy. He's strong enough and big enough to make a girl feel little. Oh, god, Dillon, please heft me around the place a bit too. And he's vulnerable.

Stein keeps the tension going right til the end of the book, and while the resolution is extremely satisfying, the little epilogue attaches to the end with a really perfect little twist.

I enjoyed every second of this book, and the book within the book. It was such a pleasure to read. It's really funny. It's edge of the seat reading. It's really arousing. The characters are completely sypathetic and their dialogue is natural and convincing. This would make a lovely film, actually - I would enjoy every moment of that too.

Charlotte Stein... going from strength to strength.

Whole box a stars for Addicted.

Beneath Sea and Sky

Available from Smashwords

Oh, such a treat. I just read Shanna's recent ebook, soon to be on kindle too, the very beautiful and inspirational 'Beneath Sea and Sky'. Six tales of magic and longing that are the best thing I've read of hers yet. As always, her characters and language are heart stopping, heart in your mouth beating, painful and beautiful to read. Her ideas and settings are so sharp and clear, and as usual she doesn't stray from the difficult, the blood and gristle, she embraces it and makes it sing.

The standouts for me are Heatsong, an evocative vampire story, Hands of Time, that speaks to me of breaking marriage so clearly I could weep, and the closing The Princess of Silk and Pain, a fairy tale rewrite that is a tour de force.

 Get it! It's a fantastically good collection. The only downside is how it leaves you wondering why you'd bother trying to write anything ever again after reading it...